The Dialectic of Life, Loss, and Acceptance

I wrote this poem this morning.  Loss is a tricky concept because even when the person departs, our shared memories and truths that we know in our bones live on and walk with us.  When radical acceptance comes, the dialectic is more salient and, at times, comforting in the darkest of times. 

For some, the time before dawn is the darkest hour...logically yes, but the dawn is troubling, too, because it can be a recognition of beginning another day without them.  

The Zen response to this may be that "all is as it should be," yet that is not say that everything is perfect in the moment, "but rather to the dependent unfolding view of reality (given the pre-existing conditions, how could things be different?) and the recognition of valuation as human-generated rather than universally intrinsic (perfect for whom, based upon which criteria?)."  This concept is explored in Mindfulness and Acceptance: Expanding the Cognitive-Behavioral Tradition (Robins, Schmidt, & Linehan, 2004, p. 38).

 

Let's look at Marsha Linehan's point of view on acceptance.  "The experience of acceptance. . .is that of 'getting it,' opening oneself to the context, striving to wait for understanding rather than leap in precipitously, acknowledging distress as an outcome. . .rather than as a problem to be solved. . .Thus, acceptance as a state or experience may reflect the wisdom of wanting to gather rather than disperse, catching the context while enduring the moment"
(Robins, Schmidt, & Linehan, 2004, p. 38). 

The dialectic of loss is difficult for me, and I know that I'm not alone in this.  Although we may not see them, their influence lasts a lifetime.  

In us, the stories and legacy continue and cannot die.

I rose before dawn to talk to you.

It is in darkness that I see you with clarity,

And hear your voice in my head,

And feel your support in helping me move forward.

Your hands reach for mine.

My heart reaches for your sure hands

And seeks that knowing smile.

I talk to you and imagine

That you just heard my voicemail,

Just like always.

My mind can only hope for so long,

But my heart refuses to give in to the reality

That you’re not with me.

I miss you, but this is not a time for goodbyes,

Only see you soon.

And it is a time to look forward

To our next time,

And it will be so.

For a more in-depth approach to acceptance and mindfulness, check out 
Mindfulness and Acceptance: Expanding the Cognitive-Behavioral Tradition