The following journal is a snapshot of working through the barriers that hinder our connections with others. We all have walls. They are intended to protect us from difficult situations, people, and life events.
When I am alone, give me the strength and courage to stand, to see,
to reach out. Randy Pausch says brick walls are there to show us how
badly we really want something- whether it's a relationship, an academic
goal, or a childhood dream. But I'm talking about a different kind of
brick wall. It's made of glass blocks that let in the light but distort
the outside world. It was built piece by piece, each with promises that I
would be safe and protected. What I didn't realize that in walling
myself in, I shut others out. The walls promised safety in living behind
them.
Piece by piece, I'm starting to consider the pros and cons about
staying within the realm of what is expected and predictable. So badly I
want to connect with the people I see when I climb the ladder to the
top of the wall. They laugh. They smile. They walk forward into a world
where the only expected outcome is uncertainty, while the promise is to
find peace, community, hope, and love from the One who gives and takes
away.
I don't have to understand everything about the outside world to make
a decision that living behind the wall is staying within the trap- one
that doesn't allow me the chances to live and to be known. I don't know
how or when the walls will not be quite so tall, but it gives me hope
that true life is waiting and can't wait to see me.
The knowledge and acceptance that come with the recognition of wanting to be known, yet hesitating to make the first step, are signs of a dialectical view. There can be tension between wanting to be known and being vulnerable. Piece by piece, we can lower the walls and barriers. Piece by piece, we can build a life worth living.
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