I hadn't understood the nature of letting go until this week, after the DBT training in Houston had ended.
When I think of letting go, I picture this: hands with fingertips extended and palms facing the sky.
It has been so easy to switch from having these open hands, only to clench my hands again in tight fists, grasping the very things I thought I had released. This is so easy to say, "Yes, I will let this go and surrender," as the possibility of grabbing it again.
My friend said that letting go means having open hands with your palms facing the ground. Whatever you were holding onto so tightly has fallen to the ground. Albert Einstein wrote, "The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science."
Letting go is a form of acceptance. It is also a process. Letting go with your palms facing the ground is radical acceptance. Here, radical means complete and total. It does not mean that the issue is gone forever or that this will always be a struggle. Radical acceptance is a decision, a choice that is made moment by moment.
The fixed mind is like a crown of thorns. Everybody who truly knows you can see its sharp spikes rammed into the sides of your skull and the trickles of blood flowing down into pools on your shoulders. This crown was woven piece by piece, just as each aspect of the fixed mind was and is accrued over time. The rigid rules are just as cutting and painful as the thorns.
But wait, there’s good news. Just as the crown of thorns came together one piece at a time, it can also be deconstructed one piece at a time.
Yes, there will be pain as the fixed mind is pulled apart. With the pain comes joy that rivals any I have ever known. I look forward to the day when the fixed mind reveals itself not as a crown of thorns, but as a fluid mind and a crown of laurels- with its signal of victory.
I have big news talk to about. Words
on paper aren't enough to describe my plan and dream. I will be Dr. Sarah and I'm not letting go of
that dream. I will be here, but may not
in educational psychology. I want to
pursue my PhD and focus on qualitative research, mood disorders, neurological differences, and
dialectical behavior therapy.
The middle step is to see the nature of social work and the research
opportunities available in Houston. I
want to take Dr. Brené Brown's shame and empathy class. I like what I know about the department and
Dr. Brown so far, both in working with you and watching her Oprah
interview.
Brené Brown quote of the week:
“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change”
(Brené Brown, 2013).
So I've been kind of quiet
lately...in a distant way. I see what's going on and it's just hard to change. It's about external stressors and the internal conflict that
comes when it's hard to express my emotions, thoughts, and reactions. I
get that. I experience it like "You are wrong for even thinking
that" kind of way...so shame comes and it hurts. I was trying to be
nice and helpful...it blew up in my face...and I will look into finding a way
to talk to her about it.
I think the quote kind of describes where I am now, but I see change as more
probable than I did earlier this month. Progress not perfection.
