"Brokenness is not the end of the story"

"Brokenness is not the end of the story.  Our pain is deep, but it is not all-encompassing; our loss is enormous, but it is not eternal; and death is our enemy but it does not have the final word."  - Ruth Padilla Eldrenkamp

For individuals with borderline personality disorder, belief in the idea that they are broken may be common...broken hearts, broken relationships, and perhaps a broken sense of self. "Getting fixed" may be a proposed treatment goal by the client, but it is a mistaken goal because healing, radically accepting yourself in the moment and recognizing the need and drive to change may be more helpful.

Defining and labeling yourself with the challenges you have experienced is counterproductive in strengthening your view of self.  Focusing on the brokenness and awfulness of illness takes the focus away from the steps of finding balance and realizations of what is going well.  

Marsha Linehan has described having BPD as lacking emotional skin.  Our emotional pain can be excruciating, with each touch as painful as a third degree burn.  Reacting to pain is understandable.  Emotional regulation and distress tolerance skills can help to ameliorate the pain and decrease suffering.  These skills can create adaptive changes that guide the process of building a "life worth living."  

"Brokenness is not the end of the story."  There is hope.  There is freedom.  There is recovery.  I have no doubt in these simple truths.

Day Two: Acceptance of Reality does not equal Approval of Reality

Acceptance of Reality does not equal Approval of Reality

There's a balance (a dialectic) between the need for change and the (radical) acceptance of self or a situation.

A quick story for you

You have purchased a beautiful brick house with a white picket fence around a garden of roses.  You sign the paperwork and pack your bags to move into your new house.  The day you drive your moving truck into the driveway, you see that the previous owner just painted over the bricks and white picket fence...and it's purple!  In fact, it's Barney the dinosaur purple, but fortunately without the green spots.

This wasn't in the agreement.  This is not what you had expected.  Where does this leave you?  Definitely frustrated...probably irate.  To get the change you want, you must first acknowledge the fact that the house is purple and not the beautiful brick that you had expected.  You see the need for change (the house must be painted) and the need for acceptance that the house is purple and can be changed.

Without accepting that the house is purple, you are stuck in your view of what the house should be, not what it is.  By accepting the situation exactly how it is, you are able to see the change you want and know that is possible to get your needs and wants met.  This takes work and time, but in the end you may be empowered to know that you have created a positive change with lasting benefits.

So think about this and ask yourself: What is your purple house?  What are you going to do about it?