DBT Training Wrap Up from May 2013

This week has been as much fun as summer camp!  It was intense to work with Shari Manning and Karyn Hall for a week.  I am kind of bookish, so it was a perfect fit for a graduate student who is eager to learn and apply...and run with the big dogs in the treatment world. 

When I arrived at Menninger for the training, I had barely slept and didn't need to with such anticipation and excitement.  I was one of the first to arrive, so I had a moment to look around the room and soak in the reality of the moment- here I am as a student- surrounded by some of the top practitioners and clinicians in mental health.  I had my binder and was ready to go. 

Before the introductions, Karyn smiled at the group and led the first mindfulness.  Observe is the first core mindfulness skill, so it was the perfect place to start.  When you practice mindfulness, you do so with your eyes open, so that you are fully present and aware of your environment.  The target was to track the thoughts, as one would track the clouds moving across the sky.  In Observe, there are no labels, judgments, or words assigned to what you see or think.  The goal is to just notice the thought and let it go.  

I watched my thoughts.  With each breath, I let go of the expectations that had filled my mind with wonder in the car and still lingered as I sat.  I was sitting in my chair and began to realize that this is real- the day has finally come and I am here to embrace it and to live in it. 

I let go of the comparison of being less experienced, realizing we all have different areas of specialty and understanding.  "Comparison is the thief of joy" - Theodore Roosevelt.  And he is right.  From the moment I realized and accepted that I was "enough," the tension in my shoulders left and I could be fully present. 

Remember, all we have is this moment.  Live in it.

Living Behind the Wall: Longing for Connection and Dealing with the Fear of Uncertainty

The following journal is a snapshot of working through the barriers that hinder our connections with others.  We all have walls.  They are intended to protect us from difficult situations, people, and life events. 

When I am alone, give me the strength and courage to stand, to see, to reach out. Randy Pausch says brick walls are there to show us how badly we really want something- whether it's a relationship, an academic goal, or a childhood dream. But I'm talking about a different kind of brick wall. It's made of glass blocks that let in the light but distort the outside world. It was built piece by piece, each with promises that I would be safe and protected. What I didn't realize that in walling myself in, I shut others out. The walls promised safety in living behind them. 

Piece by piece, I'm starting to consider the pros and cons about staying within the realm of what is expected and predictable. So badly I want to connect with the people I see when I climb the ladder to the top of the wall. They laugh. They smile. They walk forward into a world where the only expected outcome is uncertainty, while the promise is to find peace, community, hope, and love from the One who gives and takes away.

I don't have to understand everything about the outside world to make a decision that living behind the wall is staying within the trap- one that doesn't allow me the chances to live and to be known. I don't know how or when the walls will not be quite so tall, but it gives me hope that true life is waiting and can't wait to see me.

Fun Project for Introspective Thought

Introspection is a double-edged sword for me.  I am always looking to learn more about myself.  It helps me to relate to others' perspectives in a more real, genuine way.

So a quick project I have been thinking about is looking at identity. 

Fill in the sentences with words that are true for you.  

I am. . .

I am doing. . .

(Summarize your life right now in a few words)

Who am I?

What am I doing in working on who I am?  

What am I doing that will get me where I want to go?